Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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