HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
