yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
