hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just pynch a tree in the face
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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