what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
