Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
