It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
