What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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