There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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