yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
