it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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