....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
