I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
