The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Green mimosas i think yes
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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