there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
