this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I cut my penus on the lid.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
