I wish my penis had an off switch
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
