just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
