are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.