it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?