im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
