yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night