I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i permit you to call me
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
