Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
