the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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