are you still at the devil's house?
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
