More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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