Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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