I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
one might say we're banned from that church
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Randomize
