He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
