My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
