I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize