i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
