those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
