Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
