Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
