and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
