so let's talk penis.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
