He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
