What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
