So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
