She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
