you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
