just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
