The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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