my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
