There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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