If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
