ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
