On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
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Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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