is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
