The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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