awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
