Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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