i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
