What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Someone signed my nipple.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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