are you so shy because you have an std?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
