My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
