I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
