Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
