did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
