M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
