Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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