i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
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We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
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All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
All I want is dick and wine.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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