Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
