god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
