She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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