I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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