there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I think weed is turning my hair brown
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
