week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
