I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
so let's talk penis.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
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You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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