I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
