i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
