My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
