She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My ass is underappreciated
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize