Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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