Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
